Today I finished reading ‘Chosen by a Horse’, a book about a rescued standardbred mare that changed the life of the author. The ending was so sad but it had a wonderful message. It made me cry, I cried for the the horse in the book and I cried for the loss of the animal friends I have know over the years. It also made me feel very privileged to have the horses, dogs and cat in my life that I do. Once I got myself together I went out and rode a little standardbred mare I have been working with, she reminded me of the horse in the book and I just wanted to let her know that I was so grateful she was in my life.
As I rode through the bush I thought about the loss that we have experienced this year, how three of our beloved animal friends had left us. I thought about the sadness and the grief that you feel when you lose a pet and how real it is.
Little Joe, was an eight month old foal, he was a beautiful palamino paint and full of spirit, half brother to Tubby, a blue roan fillie. The mothers were two little rescued ponies who had come to us in foal. One afternoon we feed the foals as usual and then went off to do something for about an hour. On our way back we saw Little Joe was lying down. My heart sank. He looked like he was dead. He was dead, he had just dropped where he stood. No apparent reason. It was so sad, this life had just been started and now he was gone. It just seemed wrong.
Three weeks after losing Little Joe, we had to euthanise our bullmastiff, Mugsy. He had cancer of the spleen and there was nothing we could do to help him. I had known in my heart there was something terribly wrong with him but I never thought we’d have to make this decision. He was so sick and over a matter of a few days had lost so much weight, I didn’t want him to have to suffer any more. The loss of Mugsy was so painful, I miss him so much, it just wasn’t the same, it was so empty without him waiting for you at the back door. He was only 4. I loved that dog more than I knew. Funny how you take things for granted.
The morning after Mugsy died our silky terrier Rex, went missing. He was 18 and we had inherited him with this property we bought 5 years ago. He was a beautiful old dog and I just loved him. We looked everywhere for him, put ads on the radio and called everyone that took in dogs but there was no sign of him, still none. I have no idea what happened to him. I still look out for him hoping he will just wander back.
Again I rode my horse and tried to get some perspective on life and death. I thought about my own little boy who died of heart disease and the pain that I felt, I thought of my dad who wanted us to ‘put him out of his misery’ during the last weeks of his life as cancer took over. I wondered if I could have agreed to giving him a lethal dose of something to help him like we did with Mugsy. I also thought of the anguish families must go through when a loved one goes missing, The pain must be unbearable.
But the grief I felt after losing my animal friends was also real, it was a deep sense of loss and I grieved for weeks. Perhaps it was connected to the grief I carry for my son and my father. I know that you can’t compare your animals, or another person for that matter, with the loss of a family member but grief is a very personal emotion and it should be respected for what it is and what it means to someone.
This brings me to discussions I have had with people about the loss of pets and the grief that follows. Some say that it is silly to grieve as some of us do because they were only a dog or only a horse or only a cat. I really don’t agree with that, our animal friends are just as real as any other being. They are in our lives daily, they are there with you through thick and thin. My dogs are constant companions and give so much affection. They are always pleased to see me and they let me know. My horses are my saviors and great cousellors. How can you not grieve for their loss?
Sometimes, maybe more than sometimes, I would rather be around my four legged friends than the two legged ones. Animals don’t judge you or hold a grudge, you get out what you put in and that’s worthy of my grief. I am empathetic to those who are grieving for their lost animal friends and I respect that fact that they feel pain over their loss.
Some people don’t have another person close to them and their animal friend is their only family. The loss of that animal would be as great as a loss of a family member. Some people bury their animals with a ceremony as elaborate as for the human, and why not? I personally don’t feel the need for such a ceremony for either human or animal but that’s doesn’t mean I don’t respect their right to do what feels right for them. Some people take time off work to come to terms with their loss, the pain is so great. I also understand and respect that. There is no right and wrong when it comes to grief.
More than anything else though, I want to celebrate the fact that I have been so touched by my animal friends, they bring so much love, joy and spirit to my life and when it is time for them to go I will honour their lives as I would any other. I often think about the ones who have passed, and though I miss them, I am so grateful that they chose to be with me.
November 8th, 2009 at 2:28 am
I do think that grieving is a personal thing, and wether it be grieving for a human or an animal, it doesn’t matter…the fact is the person grieving is in pain and needs to deal with it in there own unique way.
Animals give us so much, and many turn to animals when they have lost a loved one. Sadly sometimes we don’t realise just how much we love something till it is gone.
I know recently a friend of mine was upset as someone that doesn’t have children compared there loss of a dog to this ladies loss of a daughter. My friend was very strong on her opinion that you can’t compare a dog to a daughter. Looking at it from both sides, the thing is, both are grieving and both are in pain, does it mean that you are in more pain over losing a daughter to a dog? I don’t know, I have been blessed and have never lost a child. I do know though that we shouldn’t make light of anyone’s pain, cause for them it is very real and to that lady losing her dog, was like losing a child, as she doesn’t have children. I don’t think there is any right or wrong, it is just how it is…you grieve how you grieve, we are all unique individuals with unique ways of dealing with what life throws at us.
November 8th, 2009 at 2:30 am
You are such a wonderful caring person Louise…I just know your animals, family and friends can sense that about you…which is why they ‘find you’ to be with..they know you will care for them till the end.
Love and hugs, Lee